These things actually happened

Luke, speaking to an adult friend, about the events of Saturday: "It was kind of boring. We went to a movie premiere. Then Mom and Dad went out and we had two different babysitters and we stayed home all the rest of the day."

Friend: "Well, you know, moms and dads need that grownup time together once a week or so."

Luke: "Once a week?!? No, they haven't done that in about three years."

***

Zach: "Dad, I need some milk!"

Dave: "OK, but what word is missing?"

Zach: "Milk."

***

Luke: "Mom, you really shouldn't have left that bread out all day."

Me: "Well, I was going to put it away, except I got distracted because I was entertaining two kids all day."

Luke: "How am I going to eat dinner, now that I'm consumed with guilt?"

***

 Zach: "Dad, I need crazy glue! Oh, wait - let me get some pants on first."