whew!

OK - Not going to drag this out, but that was fun!!!! It was pretty chaotic but everyone seemed to enjoy. Here's a pic of about 1/2 the kids (my Wednesday moms) and Luke and his bee buddy.

NO food left over, which blows me away. How did we go through all that?

Surprisingly the biggest mess was not the trick or treat stations - it was the pumpkin decorating. Stickers, markers, yukky stuff everywhere.

What else - Oh - Near-total disaster just moments before the party when we learned that the dining room lamp was DRIPPING WATER on to the food table below. Huh!?!? Dave says it's either a plumbing problem or an issue related to the spray-washing that the painter did. But we survived and the food was intact.

That's all for now - just some more cleanup, then a self-imposed early bedtime...

crazy!!

Can you believe the party starts in 50 minutes and I'm blogging?!?!?! I'm a crazy lady. But we're all set and it's going to be GREAT! Here I am in front of the trick or treat stations. (As Dave says, "So...you're expecting the toddlers to line up in an orderly fashion and select one item from each bowl?)
hahahahahahaha

bee-lieve it or not

Luke actually consented to putting his costume on yesterday!! We'll see if we can repeat the feat tomorrow. I would love it if he would wear the lobster costume but I'm not going to push my luck. (Maybe he'll wear it if I can convince him it's from Sam, his new favorite person to talk about.)

All systems are go for the party. I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed thinking about everyone who will be here. I seem to be on a hair-trigger for stress, as evidenced by the fact that I continue to take it out on Dave. We certainly have been in completely different worlds these past few weeks - Dave working around the clock; me spending every spare moment focused on party stuff. *sigh* I just want to enjoy and get through it in one piece.

More pics and words tomorrow, I hope, if I have any spare time after the party.

down in the dumps

Total and utter failure as a mother is the best way to sum up the day. Now that I look back I can pinpoint my problem areas, but as I was in it, it just seemed like one big blur of ugh. (good name for a band, right?)

Not only has Luke completely rejected all costumes, he has completely rejected the entire concept of Halloween. I got him a little riding-horse stick to go along with a potential cowboy outfit, and he liked it as a toy, until he found out it was part of my Halloween conspiracy, and then he wanted nothing to do with it.

When he woke up from his nap, there was an entire hour from 4 to 5 when it was like one solid tantrum and I could not help him clear his head. Every time he started to calm down, he would discover something else that he wanted to play with but was not allowed to, and he would lose it all over again. It was not pretty, and I'm the one who's usually willing to take the easiest route out of the tantrum by giving in.

I needed to go to Costco this afternoon, but by the time we worked through the meltdowns and got into the car, it was 6:00, and I could not get out of the city. The traffic was so bad I figured it would take me a half-hour just to get over there, and that would be pointless. So after 20 minutes of futile driving around and trying to find a way to cross PCH, I gave up and went home. All well and good, except I'm expecting 21 toddlers, plus parents and associated relatives, so let's say at least 60 people at our house on Sunday. When am I going to get this thing off the ground? Sunday morning?

So things were OK for a while because we basically just ate and early dinner and watched videos. Then putting Luke to bed was unexpectedly traumatic. He wanted to stay on my lap, not go in the crib, and when I finally put him in there it was scream city. We did our thankyous and our Michael Row The Boat Ashore while he continued to scream, and he screamed even louder then I left the room. Not pretty.

The only thing I can blame it on at this point is probably eating too much sugar today and not enough "real" food. He dove right into a cookie in class, then had a cupcake, and refused all other food. I think it must be true (or at least I'm looking for convenient excuses) that a day of sugar can really set them off.

Not having Dave here tonight is the icing on the cake, so to speak.

Anyone who is reading this post, please root for Luke to sleep through the night.

confounded

Noodle over this for a while: Is it possible to be extremely happy with everything, and yet keep having bad day after bad day?

(Ahhh...finally achieving my personal challenge to start a sentence with the word 'noodle')

Things are good. Luke is great. Dave is a wonder. Job is even OK for now. But Luke screamed bloody murder when I left this morning. Then my all-day meeting was actually pretty good, until I got into a war of words with part of the team, and no one else backed me up, and it just ended on a crummy note. Then I got home, everything was fine, and then Luke threw a mega-tantrum when we turned off the Wiggles. The kind of soul-searing tantrum that there is absolutely nothing you can do about except let him work it through. Then he didn't want to eat dinner and insisted on "cake" (store-bought mini blueberry muffins). So I gave them to him and while he scarfed down the muffins with big fresh tears still resting on his cheeks, I held my head in my hands wondering how we could all be so happy and so frustrated at the same time. How do people do it who don't have someone like Dave to back them up?

Upstairs I hear Luke and Dave laughing it up while they go through the bedtime routine and as I hear Luke saying "Mas, mas, mas" I am reminded of my favorite "mas" moment: We were looking at the Wiggles computer game, and whenever I pushed the button where you make all of the instruments play at one time, Luke would say "mas" and I'd do it again (mas) and again (mas) and again (mas) and again (mas)...until I finally told Dave, "I think I found his 'mas' button." Hahahahahahaha. Makes me smile just thinking about it.

What kind of perfection am I looking for, exactly?

the alien did it

Messed up my day, that is. At about 1:30 last night Dave and I were awakened by the sound of rustling and banging outside the house, then a bizarre "Awhoeet Awhoeet" sound. Dave says it was probably possums (possi?) or raccoons. I know it was aliens. Regardless, I was unable to get back to sleep until after 5...and the lack of sleep threw me off for the entire day. (Note to self - remember that having another baby is just like that, only every single day)...

The other thing, which maybe I shouldn't mention now that people might actually be reading this, was that Luke set a record of sorts yesterday and only nursed once(!). That was a big step for me but I should have planned a little better, because I wound up rolling around all night in extreme physical discomfort - no additional details necessary.

Anyway, Dave let me "sleep" in a little, which was nice. Then we trucked off to our truck-stop breakfast at Rocky Cola Cafe and I was still cranky enough to snap at Dave when he was trying to pick out which sections of the paper to bring inside. "Just bring the whole paper!!"

So Dave gave me another break by taking Luke to the park, then did the grocery shopping while Luke took his nap. I did some chores in a woozy-headed fashion, then attempted to nap for a while.

Later on, Suzi and Bill and Grandma and Grandpa came over, and Luke was truly excited to see them. I think he's not quite sure of what to make of his new Wiggles guitar, and he seemed genuinely freaked out when it actually wiggled. But it dovetails nicely with his current obsession. And I'm seriously considering Jeremy's suggestion of getting him a little ukelele. Now *that* would be the perfect accompaniment to a Hawaiian Halloween costume!

Nothing else to say right now. All-day meeting tomorrow. Blech.

Oh, and my new favorite thing from when we get home from the Cuban restaurant: Garlic-smelling baby. Mmmmmmmmmm.

red-letter day

The reason I knew it would be a good day is because I put on the Shirt as soon as I woke up. The Shirt, as some of you may recall (OK, just one of you, and that would be Dave), is the shirt that I wore on our first date, AND, improbably enough, the shirt that I wore to the hospital to give birth to Luke. Red fuzzy flannel, Banana Republic, mens' size medium, large enough to hide a basketball underneath (or possibly a large baby), and so ridiculously unsexy that no small female person would ever think of wearing it on a first date. Except a person who is freezing cold because there is a foot of snow on the ground, and because who knows where the date is going to lead, and it's just a movie, for crying out loud, and it's going to be dark in there anyway. And when the person you go on the date with falls in love with you, and loves the shirt in spite of its unsexy nature, and nearly tears up every time he sees it, nine years later...That means it's a good shirt to throw on when it's a lazy, drizzly Saturday when there's nothing to do except sit around and make funny faces at each other because that's what you do when you're just a goofy, happy, big-comfy-shirt-wearing family.

I asked Dave to read Joe's blog this morning and he read it, then seemed to be thinking quietly for a while, then came up with the most insane suggestion. Maybe instead of selling our house and setting up home base who-knows-where in Hollywood, he should just send us off to live in Philly for six months. My first reaction was a rather inappropriate "Wooo-Hoo!" Then, of course, I thought of all the ramifications. Me not having Dave to tuck me in and wake up to. Luke not having DaddyDaddyDaddy to play with and put him to bed. Dave not having us to get him through the long weeks ahead. The Ponessa clan getting sick of me and Luke and our multiple neuroses. How would any of us make it through that? But I have to admit there are parts of it that would be pretty cool.

So we just let it sit out there, and headed off to the 99 Cents store and Party City to buy additional Halloween crap. Then to Carl's Junior for a big old slippery gooey Six-Dollar Burger. Then back home for Luke's nap and some quiet time while we do stupid unromantic things like pay bills and get the flat tire fixed. Later it'll be time to go out to dinner at the Cuban place and eat beans, because that's what we like to do on a Saturday night. I think I'll keep wearing the shirt.

Halloween resistance

My efforts to get Luke excited about Halloween have backfired dramatically. Now - not only will he get nowhere near his bee costume, he won't even put on his new yellow sweatshirt because it apparently looks too much like the bee. I came in to pick him up from his nap yesterday and I put on the top of the lobster costume so he could see it, and his response was a rather dramatic "Off! Off! Off!" Looks like that one might be non-starter as well.

...in contrast to the new sneakers he got from Sam. They're about a finger-width too big, but when I told them they were from Sam he was very curious, and now he insists on wearing the "Sam" shoes.

I was so mad today about nanny issues I literally gave myself a headache. Dave was talking to her about having her friends over at our house and she admitted that one or another of her guests had not been great about cleanup so "maybe" she shouldn't invite that person over again. Hello?!?!?! Did we ever say it was OK to invite friends over whom we didn't know? And how did it suddenly get to be OK to invite someone over to a house that is not yours, let them get away with leaving a mess, and then consider that maybe it's OK to keep inviting them over? Dave doesn't seem to be as mad as I am, but then again, he's not the one who gets home from work and has to do cleanup. I can't even think about it again without getting mad. In large part I'm mad at myself for being such a bad communicator/manager. So essentially I fired off some mad e-mails to Dave and Brandi and then gave myself a self-imposed time out. I'll have to say something tonight.

Then class. Then ladies' night out. Then (finally) some rest for the weary.

iron chef or rock star?

...are Luke's current dueling career paths. We'll see how it all goes.

A great day, all in all...good preschool tour, fun class, BOTH of my expected packages came in the mail, a happy boy. Dave wasn't here to put Luke to bed but I had a great time doing it...and I'm still amazed that the whole thing goes down without a single tear.

On preschool - The place I saw seemed really great. Just the right balance of lots of creative activities and space to roam around, plus a decent amount of staffing. I am surprised at myself at how eager I am to close the nanny chapter in our lives. Dave, I know, is not feeling so urgent about it. I like to think of it as the "rusty paintbrush" factor. I got home yesterday to find three nannies gathered on our lawn talking while Luke ran around with a rusty dried-tar large-stick-stuck-to-it paintbrush, apparently found on the side of the house. I mean, come on. Maybe it's the end of the day and everyone's tired, and there's the appeal of the forbidden. But I know we can do better than that in terms of activities.

The director of the center (and Joe) told me that the way the kids react is largely a function of how their parents treat it; i.e. if you act nervous and reluctant it will add to their fear. Maybe I've complicated some of our mornings recently with my own reluctance. So anyway, I'd like to think (hope) that my renewed enthusiasm for preschool beginning will be contagious for Luke and we won't have too much of a trauma when it's time to begin.

Off to color the haunted house...Lots of pics to come in the next two weeks...

flip

Luke loves his new grill - here's proof:

Also seems to be going through a growth spurt of some sort, which involves eating large quantities of food and sleeping for long periods of time in the afternoon...

I'm sure there's lots to say about life but not much for me right now. Gloom is the mood now that Dave decided to leave tonite rather than tomorrow morning for San Diego. Hope all is OK tomorrow...

cook/doop/Sam

Just a collection of a few random thoughts. Today might be more or less a message for Joe than an actual blog entry.

Bought Luke a little barbecue today with some play food. Of course, this is all he played with all day.

Figured out that when Luke calls a bird a "doop" he is actually trying to say "chirp," as in, that's what birds say. It's pronounced more like "dewp"

Noticed that when Luke looks at pictures from Christmas he correctly identifies and names "Sam." He can also correctly name a picture of "ham" - not sure whether that's related or not.

Good to have Dave "back" in our lives. Now the challenge is to balance "immediate family" time with "family" time. He always amazes me with how he balances so many competing demands. If I were him my stomach would constantly be in a knot. I guess our job, meaning me and Luke, is to help him get the knots out.

Dave's new "plan" (boy I am loving quotation marks these days) is to quit while we're "ahead" in the real estate game, sell our house, and move to Hollywood for a year (assuming his campaign headquarters wind up in Hollywood. Down side = leaving friends, uprooting Luke, leaving for uncertain real estate future. Up side = no commute from hell for Dave, possible quitting of job for me. I think it's actually too big for me to even think about right now. All I have on my mind is the party and I can't see much past that.

As Dave puts Luke to sleep I hear giggling and thumping upstairs. Hard to believe that the little peanut we took to El Indio as a five-day-old is the same guy we took there tonight, chowing down beans and rice and even a chip or two. Man, am I proud of him (and us, for making it through in one piece).

hog heaven

Took Luke to the kiddie art studio; I think it's safe to say he was in hog heaven. He got to make "cake;" he got to "cook;" he got to "paint;" he got "wet" and wanted his shirt "off." (I could go on and on with his words in quotes but I'm going to give myself carpal tunnel with the shift key.) So I sucked it up and bought a four-visit pass so that we could keep going back. Something about the experience both tired him out and made him a little wiggy, though...He whined and cried for more than an hour before going down for his nap. Remains to be seen whether or not we're going to make it to the pumpkin patch for the afternoon...and getting him anywhere near the bee costume is going to be a roll of the dice (a shot in the dark? a long shot? fill in some cliche there.)

More TK...

secret relief

Dave called today to say that he and Silvia had talked; she is having a bad time with Stephanie and it doesn't sound like she wants to continue. Her "ideal" would be to work for just one family, preferably with a young baby so she can start fresh. Now I don't think she was necessarily giving us notice right away, but I have to say that if that's what she meant, I felt a huge flash of something...relief? when I heard this. Next stop for Luke = preschool. No more nannies. I think I summed it up pretty well for Dave tonight when I told him I think it will be much better for me, worse for Luke. I shudder to think how hard it would be on the first day or week or even month. But it'll be nice to be able to spend the day not 'wondering' where he is or who's in our house. And getting tax credits for the $ we spend. And not spending as much $. And using up all of my sick days every time he has a hangnail...Oh wait, that's in the negative column. Anyway, it'll be a change and it looks like it may happen sooner rather than later.

No pumpkin patch tonight...Luke kept saying "NO" every time I brought it up and he still won't even go near the bee costume. We're gonna try our luck again tomorrow. Maybe the lobster costume will have arrived by then. (Kidding! Don't stress!)

thrown off

OK - Starting off here by being completely thrown off course. Luke fell asleep before 11, guaranteeing that we will miss our class, throwing off his schedule, and who knows what we will do with this afternoon. I know Silvia has been trying to keep him up, but he was such a crank this morning I figured he must be needing to sleep for a reason. Now I, creature of habit, am totally thrown off as well. What do I do with my morning, knowing that I won't have a "free" afternoon?

Musings on being kid-centric...I *thought* we were more or less like everyone else, but let's see...Haven't left Luke alone while we go off on vacation without him...Haven't hired a nanny to keep him in another room while we hold a big party...Haven't invited all of our friends to a party at a bar, to which the kids aren't invited (I mean, that's why we're friends in the first place, because of the kids, right?). So while others might have spent time on the phone with travel agents, caterers, nannies, and party planners, I've been sitting on the living room floor, gluing letters to construction paper for the kiddie Halloween party. Am I just a schmuck? Dave says, "Just be yourself." So there you have it.

Who'da thunk?

I think Dave must be cringing silently to know that his son is now in love with the Wiggles...But even Dave had to admit that the songs are *not* that bad. They're really upbeat, in kind of an "Up With People" sort of way, not quite as smarmy and politically correct as Raffi. At least we have something new to add to our repertoire.

I'm just picking up after having been severely held back this weekend by some undefined stomach ailment. It's something that Luke had as well...I had a strange "sympathy insomnia" last night as I tossed and turned, thinking, if this is what Luke's stomach felt like, I don't know how he could sleep through it...and I kept waiting for him to wake up, which he never did. Just me. Hmmm...

Feeling a little anxious about Silvia now having two days in a row with Gaby and Luke. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be comfortable with this arrangement. And in fact, if something "bad" happens, how could any of us ever forgive ourselves? I'm just going to have to make sure she has everything she needs.

Not much more to say except Luke is awesome, totally conversational. I can't wait for more words every day...

wigged out

Just wanted to add more about Luke's amazing memory (before I forget):

1) We went to my office two weeks ago and someone gave him a donut. Today we parked at my office to walk to the aquarium and he took one look at the building and said insistently "Nonut! Nonut! Nonut!"

2) We were at the aquarium two weeks ago and stopped to nurse in the downstairs ladies' room. Today when we were within about 50 yards of the door to that ladies' room, he pointed to it insistently and said "Mop! Mop! Mop!" (milk).

3) We watched some wallabies for a few minutes before we left but they didn't seem to make much of an impression on Luke (or so I thought). This evening when I asked him if he remembered the wallabies, he said "Rate! Rate!" (rake) - The groundskeeper was raking in the little area where the wallabies were and he was clearly more focused on that.

Also, re: the Wiggles - we are officially sucked in. Some would say watching the Wiggles incessantly would beat watching Raffi every day; I'm not so sure myself. You know you have watched it a few too many times when you find yourself thinking that while the early Raffi was a bit of the goofball, the latter-day Raffi is actually kind of hot (in a children's singer kind of way).

Did I say that?

doop

Let me just begin with a brief clarification for those people who may be reading this and may have misinterpreted something I wrote earlier: I am not saying that anything I am doing is necessarily responsible for Luke's tantrums...I was merely wondering if something I've done has made his personality what it is - (for the moment) - slightly clingy or shy, tending toward introverted, disliking crowds, noises, raucous play, etc.

Ahhhhhh...got that out of my system.

I took Luke to the aquarium this morning and he was fine for the first 45 minutes or so when it was relatively quiet. We looked at some fish, then we went through the bird (doop) house twice. I bought the nectar so they sit on your hand and eat, and at one point I had THREE sitting on my hand and Luke was saying "Man" "Hat" - He was more interested in a man nearby who had a bird sitting on his hat...

Anyway, things went downhill quickly from there. It got very crowded, and a little hot, and Luke kept saying "home," which meant that we were doomed if we stayed longer.

Continuing to wonder - why does Luke call birds "doop"? Probably something I said one time that stuck.

Then we went to the bookstore, where he was happy as a clam, and bought him a Wiggles video. I can feel my feet losing their grip on the slippery slope...

urrrrrgggh

A full recounting of the day's evils:
1) Luke wakes up, throws up all over his crib
2) Luke throws up again, all over the living room rug
3) Tearful parting in the morning
4) Sit for an hour in traffic, late for morning meeting
5) Log on to computer, only to find countless new requests and chores to do
6) Frustrating phone call with Dave where he reveals he can't find his car keys
7) Lunchtime phone call from Dave; Luke CHIPPED HIS TOOTH AND IS COVERED IN BLOOD and Dave is on his way home.
(does it get worse? yes. it continues.)
9) Realization that I have mistakenly taken Dave's keys to work with me (after he calls all around town, including to the MB fair officials from yesterday)
10) Arrive at home, to bruised and bloodied boy, only to nurse and have him throw up AGAIN, this time all over our bed.

What else do we have to look forward to? I am just feeling so down - especially that I was not here for him today or when he was having his tooth shaved down. I am praying for a good night of sleep and some serious overnight healing....

Note to Joe re: veal meatloaf. Remember that meatloaf you made that one time that was actually spoiled and made you sick but you liked it so much you wanted to keep eating it? That's how I feel about the tub of garlic sauce in my fridge. It gives me a stomach ache every time (I think because I always eat so much in one sitting) yet I keep coming back for more...

jumping to conclusions

Bad mom, BAD mom! Why was Luke so mad about being asked to eat last night? Not because he is a toddler, but because he apparently had Snow Cone Stomach. He threw up twice this morning - only once on me - before I left for work. Poor little dude is a little worse for wear but seems cheery enough. Note to self: Resist temptation to silence young children by giving them food in extremely unnatural colors.

if it is starting, please don't let it be too bad...

Toddler tantrums, that is. Luke would NOT sit down to eat today even though Aunt Suzi and Uncle Boom-Boom were over for dinner (normally his favorite dinner companions). It was so sad to watch him but he would not budge from his firm no-eating-no-sitting-at-the-table position. As of 7 pm I had calculated that the only thing he had had to eat in the last ten hours was a snow cone and four beans. Mmmm. Beans...

It also took a great deal of wheeling and cajoling to get him into the bath. What happened to our good-natured, always-ready-for-a-party-in-the-tub guy? He's probably the same guy who, once in the tub, refuses to leave. Ah, control issues.

Party stress level is moderate. I'm going to have to seriously control myself about looking at the Evite. As of tonight I can see that at least six people have looked at the invitation but only one has RSVPd. As I said, I'm going to need to control myself and stop reading into things.

Oh, and as promised, here's a Toddler Trot picture. Here's Luke basking in glory at the finish line...

Bye, beans

Ahhh...entering toddler tantrum territory. I'm feeling more tired already. Luke threw a fit yesterday when he found the barbecue tongs and he wanted to "cook" "meat." Then we had more issues today at the fair when the snow cone was all gone...and when it was time to stop playing with the trucks...and when it was time to give Daddy the camera back. Yeesh. I hope I don't get into a cycle of ending every tantrum with cake.

The birthday party, had, as expected, a very scary Elmo character. Both Luke and Gaby hid in parental arms until he got out of their faces. And the Toddler Trot was, well, hmmmm...Not super-fun for Luke, but the bonus was that it was over in about 4.5 seconds. (Photo to follow, if I can learn how to post photos).

Still struggling with the idea of children's personalities. How much of Luke is just the way he is and nothing I do has anything to do with it? Or how much of his sensitivity, reticence, intovertedness, whatever you want to call it, has to do with the fact that we "coddle" or indulge him? Some kids want to be let loose and run around; Luke would be content to be carried around all day. He won't even walk from the living room to the playroom. Some kids see gigantic Elmos at a birthday party and run to the middle of the room and start dancing; Luke will run as far away as possible. Have I created a monster? (or will the Halloween party be a special form of torture for him? At least we won't have large scary Sesame Street characters running around).

Quick note to end on: We went back to the Cuban restaurant yesterday and as we were leaving, Luke said, "Bye, beans!"