Breather

Last weekend Dave and I jumped the gun on vacation and took a pre-summer kid-free mini-break to Terranea. Enough said right there. But when the kids came and joined us the next morning, we got a chance to enjoy the whole hike/swim/oceanside experience together.

View from the room



You can just barely make out Dave waving from our balcony on the top floor, the non-covered balcony on the end.



Boys walking and holding hands what-what?



Zach just zips right down that slide



Dave made such an enormous splash the lifeguard had to stand up and mop himself off.

And my favorite, a video I call, "Was that slow?"

Looks like the end of the school year is coming in 3...2...1...Boom! What do we do now?

In motion/ stop motion

OK - Should I just start posting stuff without pictures/videos, or should I wait until I should get all forms of media coordinated? Because that might take a while.

Anyway, I had no idea it would be *this* easy to help Zach learn to ride a bike with no training wheels. I figured there'd be tears, protests, and frustration. But I asked our babysitter Lauren to help him with it one day after school while I was working. That afternoon, while I was sitting in my office, she texted me a video of Zach...riding around the backyard nonchalantly as if he'd done it his whole life. Well, OK then. That was easy. Now the boys just hang out and ride bikes. [Insert adorable bike-riding video here]

Luke most definitely did not like his baseball team, with many younger kids on it this year. But he did spend a lot of time on skill-building and he did have the opportunity to be a hero on more than one occasion. Dave and I were not able to stick around at Luke's team party after the last game, so we didn't get to hear what the coach had to say about him at the trophy presentation until Luke gave us the full report in the morning.
Dave: "So what did the coach say about you?"
Luke: "He said I started the season with a grand slam, and I ended it with a triple..."
Dave: "And then what else did he say?"
Luke, grinning: "You couldn't really hear because everyone started shouting, 'L-F! L-F! L-F!' and his words kind of got drowned out."

[Insert video of triple here]

I've been working with Zach on his big sea life report over the past three weeks. For some reason I thought his presentation was on Wednesday. But it turned out it was on Monday, and what unfolded was an extreme comedy of errors.

Dave had dropped us all off at school on Monday; I walked the kids to class and then the plan was for me to go for a long walk - which is why I didn't have my car or my phone with me. When I found out that the presentation was supposed to be that morning, I ran the one mile home (!), frantically slapped a few more pictures and words onto the posterboard, and grabbed the electric car to zip back to school by his 8:30 presentation time.

Meanwhile, Dave, emerging from the shower, somehow heard none of this... and came downstairs to find the front room looking nearly ransacked and the electric car gone. He figured there was no way I could have come home by then and taken the car... So, fearing the worst, he called the police to report the electric car stolen.

Meanwhile, as I was filming Zach's presentation, I got a series of frantic texts from Dave. "Do you have the car?" "I need to know ASAP to call off the police." Finally I stopped filming long enough to reply:

"Filming presentation. I have cat."

"*Car."

Dave says he had to give the police a physical description of me because if they had seen me in the "stolen" car they would have stopped me at gunpoint. Sheesh. Talk about starting your morning with a little adrenaline. And people wonder why I don't need coffee.

The highlight of Zach's presentation for me was when the teacher said, "So tell me a little bit about some of these pictures on your board." And Zach replied, "Well, my mom went out and bought some gray felt. And I traced the shape of the shark and cut it out and then glued it on the board. And the felt was only 39 cents."

[Insert video of Zach's presentation here]

What's that - you wanted pictures? OK, so, everyone gives me a hard time about playing Freecell. It's just a little mindless release I have. But I don't play it to win - (boring, because I know I can always win) - I play it to challenge myself to see how few moves I can make. I am proud to report that a few days ago I set a personal record, 65 moves to win, which put me on the international leaderboard as 8th best of all time in terms of fewest moves to complete a game. You can call me Queen of the Time-Killers.

Sky rockets in flight

What do you get when you combine a kid who loves explosions with a whole bunch of engineers with too much time on their hands? The annual rocket launch day at Boeing, of course. Zach built his soda-bottle rocket, filled it with water, and...BLAMMO! Off into the stratosphere. Well, at least into the air for a few seconds.

For Mother's Day, we did something a little different. Instead of driving to brunch in a, you know, regular car...we headed out in a limo. The fact that we were limo novices was readily apparent once Dave poured Zach a glass of ice water from the pitcher...and it turned out to be vodka. Happy Mother's Day indeed.

We came back down to earth and lived a somewhat normal life for a few days... and then got all gussied up again for the epic "Godfather" fundraiser on Saturday night. This was a glamorous Monte-Carlo-style bash at one of the biggest houses in town. What to wear...what to wear...I decided to represent New Jersey with a glittery top, lots of gold chains, and five-inch gold heels. (This pic is for my mom, who can't believe I walked around like this all night, and who wanted to make sure I let people know that I most certainly did not come from that part of New Jersey.)

When we walked in, we were surrounded by tuxedoed men, women dripping in fur and jewels, and this attractive (and surprisingly delicious) cake:

Dave was riding high at the blackjack table, but sadly we left before he could cash in his "winnings" (raffle tickets for a midnight drawing). But he did parlay at least one of his dinner conversations into gaining some new clients, so it was all good...

...Except for the lowest moment of my week, which came at 5:00 am the next morning. I jolted awake with a splitting champagne headache, and got hit with the sudden realization, "I'm throwing a party at the beach for 28 kids today." (cue long, slow sad trombone). I never was able to get back to sleep so my long day started early and painfully.

Zach had originally wanted his party to be a crystal hunt at the rocky beach. But I could never quite wrap my mind around the logistics of setting up a party there, so we had arranged the next best thing: a crystal hunt at our closest beach, with crystals that we would bury ourselves.

We set it up by creating a special crystal hunt area, marked off by Dave's "open house" flags, and some glittery mesh ribbon. The astonishing part about this whole crazy scheme is that it worked, beyond our wildest imagination. It actually functioned as a kid containment area on the beach, so all of the parents could hang out and relax because the kids only wanted to be in the crystal area.

Of course it helped that we had an enormous Mexican buffet (not pictured) set up right next to the crystal hunt, so everyone had a chance to chow down before going back for more. And it helped that we had the most beautiful afternoon of the year so far. And it helped that we had some extra hired hands to help with kid wrangling, setup, and cleanup. People stayed until well after 5 pm, and as we left, one of the moms gave me the most glowing compliment I could have asked for: "Best. Party. Ever."

And then, finally, I came back down to earth... and slept.

Rx

Our household has been through a lot of stresses in the past year, and we're constantly on the lookout for ways to make things a little kinder and gentler. Luke in particular has had a rough time. It's a shame that it's taken us until May to get a handle on things, but that's apparently how long it takes to  address problems around here.

Prescription #1: A cat.

This cat loves Luke more than anyone. I come in a close second; Dave's a close third, and Zach lags behind a short distance at fourth. (In fact, the other day Zach was rather circumspect about the whole thing after Kaya ran away from him: "Maybe I love Kaya a little bit too much.") But the bottom line is, Kaya loves Luke, Luke knows it, and it makes him proud and happy.

Prescription #2: A bike.

Luke hasn't been especially excited about bike-riding, and after we gave his old bike to Zach, Luke spent several months without a bike and didn't miss it at all. But this week I insisted that we get him a new bike, which we did, and it has the side benefit of being super-cool, with 21 gears and all of the bells and whistles (er, except no actual bells and whistles). When he had his old bike, he was still a little wobbly on it. But once he sat on this bike, he had every incentive to turn into a confident rider. After just two afternoons riding around at the school playground, he's a pro. When we ran into some friends of his, he proudly showed off his bike while riding in cool, laid-back circles. And the other day he actually complained about not wanting to do his homework because he wanted to ride his bike. That sounds like it would be a typical kid complaint, but it's truly a new one in our house.

Prescription #3: A bro.
Anyone who's been around our house on a weeknight knows that I am tired of being Luke's punching bag when he's frustrated with homework. What he really needed was someone who could inspire him to get his work done, and who would be someone Luke wouldn't want to dump on. Enter Trace, our 15-year-old savior. Trace, the son of a friend of mine, is a total gem of a kid who is a patient and inspiring homework pal. Trace has only been here twice but he's already made my life so much easier and Luke's life so much better that it feels like we've known him forever. He's going to come on Tuesdays/Thursdays and he'll work with Luke on homework for about 50 minutes, then shoot some hoops and hang out for the rest of the hour. He has some street cred with Luke because he likes Halo. And he has all of the street cred in the world with me, because he helps Luke get his work done with no pain and no tears.

Zach's class spent last month working on "persuasive writing," and even though Zach is pretty persuasive as it is, his writing shows some surprising demands. Here are a few samples, spelling corrected of course:

Dear Mom: Please can I have more minutes of screens! I really like awards. I will do anything for you. Love, Zach

Dear Mom: Could I have a cat and a sleepover with Justin at my house with three iPads. Please please. Because I want it I need it I really need both so badly. Love, Zach.

Dear Mom:
Please return your car so I can buy my six month year old cat. Love, Zach

(Backstory: When Dave sold his red Volvo, he got cash for it and he gave each of the boys a $100 bill. Ever since then Zach has been bugging me to sell my car so that he can get another $100, because that's how much you have to pay to get a cat at the cat rescue. He wrote these letters before we got Kaya, so apparently getting Kaya saved us $100.)

And then the finishing touch:

Dear Luke: Please, triple please, stop fighting me. Because you do it all the time. Because you get in trouble. Love, Zach.

Sigh. Kindler and gentler, people. That's where we're trying to go. Maybe Zach needs a bro too.

Deep Inside the Phone Vault

I've got this nice, nice camera that I use to shoot pictures of food...standing still...on the dining room table. So the camera doesn't leave the house much, and the camera doesn't take that many pictures of fast-moving kids or cats. When we're out and about, and I'm inspired to take a picture, it's almost always with my lousy, barely functional phone camera. And then those photos linger in my phone library, almost never to be seen by human eyes except my own. It's a shame, really. So this week I decided to empty out a recent sampling from my phone. Yes, the picture quality is terrible. Please talk to my IT department about that.

(Actually, I'm thinking this is the start of a new Catskills routine: "These pictures are terrible! And there aren't enough of them!")

The boys feeding the chickens at our friend's house on Easter morning (yield: one egg):

Zach showing off one of the finds (I believe it is the innards of a slot machine) that he used to build a spectacular art/machine masterpiece at our local trash-to-art warehouse:

Zach in his "straw door" costume after the Three Piggy Opera:

A bunch of lazy sea lions lounging on the dock as we cruised the marina in Marina del Rey on a friend's boat:

Luke carving out his place at the beach (this is moments before we all got completely soaked by a rogue wave):

Luke, at his favorite restaurant, demonstrating his cherry-stem-tying skills (Who knew that he was a closet Twin Peaks fan?). He specifically requested that this one go on Beach Bucket.

Zach at the same restaurant about to eat a "messy sundae." (Yes, of course that is redundant.) To make this sundae they actually roll the glass around in chocolate sauce so it is coated all the way around the outside, before they put the actual ice cream and chocolate sauce and whipped cream inside the glass. No one gets out without a napkin. (Confidential to my mom: Yes, they give out napkins.)

Kaya the cat, having finally figured out how to get to her favorite spot in the house: Luke's top bunk bed. Once she's snuggled up in the bed, she is officially her happy place (and by extension, Luke's as well).

Landing spots

A week ago, we weren't electric car owners and we weren't cat owners. What a difference a week makes. Here is my dreamboat husband (the car dealer told us Dave looked like Paul Rudd) and I celebrating our anniversary in our zippy new electric car.  Boogie-woogie-woogie indeed.

Here are the two boys with our new girl, Kaya. Kaya, our former backyard neighbor's cat, came to us through the most unbelievable set of circumstances. The boys loved her for a very long time when she lived behind us, until she and her owner suddenly moved away in December. The boys missed seeing her every day and they would talk about her often. Then - out of the blue - we got a letter addressed to "The family at..." from the owner. She told us that Kaya was miserable in her new home, that she longed for the kind of attention and love that the boys always gave her, and would we consider adopting Kaya? Yes - of course. Two days later, she was ours.

Oh, and did you notice that Zach looks just a little bit older? Well, he should be - he's six.

Six!?!! Not six months or six pounds - SIX years old.

My little mad scientist. *sniff* Seems like yesterday he didn't even know what C4 was.

Spring Break

We all need a break. But when you say "Spring Break" around here, everyone pretty much assumes you're talking about a new fracture. Nevertheless, this actually refers to the period of time that the boys are off from school and Mom is scrambling for things for them to do.

Things got off to a roaring start when Dave took Luke to Dodgers' opening day on Monday and they got to see one of the most celebrated and history-making home runs of all time. Luke was absolutely ecstatic.

Tuesday night Dave went to a second Dodger game, this time with his deep-pocketed client in their company seats. How good were his seats? In the middle of the game, a friend texted to tell him, "I just saw you on TV!" (See him sitting in the front row in this screen shot below.)

Wednesday morning the boys and I jetted off to Catalina for a mini-break. Our little piece of island paradise turned out to be just what the doctor ordered (give or take a little extra stress on the toe). We stayed in a condo in a private complex about a mile from town, and the condo came with a golf cart, so we were happily mobile, toodling from one end of the island to another.

Thursday we did it all - and I really mean all. We went for a morning swim, took a submersible boat ride to view the fish, went out to lunch, went to the botanical gardens and hiked to the top of the peak, went out for ice cream, visited a cave, came home and ate dinner and strolled around the complex, then went for a night drive in the golf cart and saw a deer.

Approaching our hillside complex

Oceanside pool

In the submersible boat ride, "shooting" food at the fish with the press of a button

Looking down from the Wrigley memorial

A happy threesome

Made it to the top

Heading back home in the golf cart (no, Luke was not driving - just posing)

Snap, Crackle, Pop

SNAP. Luke and his friend were messing around behind the school. Apparently they were trying to move some heavy metal grate, and they dropped it right on Luke's big toe. I heard an anguished cry, but I was more annoyed than sympathetic. I gave him a sad-sack crumpled Band-Aid from the bottom of my purse, and then I made him go to baseball practice.

Fast-forward to the next day...the toe was ugly: swollen, oozing, blue nail, the whole nine yards. So we brought him to urgent care. The verdict? Fractured. No baseball for at least two weeks. No square dancing performance (Wait - was this intentional?). A follow-up visit to the orthopedist confirmed the original findings. And now he's got this super-cool boot he has to wear regularly. Could be worse.

Yes, I'm a mean mom for making him go to practice, but lacking any more information, what else was I going to do? Say, "I'm so sorry you were messing around with the gate at the school, so please feel free to stay home from any and all activities for the next few weeks while you nurse your sore toe?"

CRACKLE. Dave is on fire. That's all I want to say right now. But I'm completely ecstatic about watching him be happy doing what he's so good at, and finally finding success in doing so. It is a great ride for him and it is a thrill for me to be a passenger.

POP. I really thought I had a chance at winning the cookbook literary agency contest. I was so close. But I didn't win and it crushed me for a little while, and I fell into kind of a pit. Then, like things happen when you're down, all of this other debris fell on top of me. And it occurred to me - How can I possibly have a job, and kids with needs, and a blog, and a legislative advocacy agenda, and debilitating back pain, and hold it all on my shoulders? The short answer is, I can't. And so my brain sort of shut down for a while and it hasn't really started going again.  It will, sometime, maybe sometime after the kids and I get back from our mini-break. But for now I am going to be just like Luke's toe - fractured by a huge weight falling on it, and immobilized until it heals.

Smash

Three times at bat; three smacks into the outfield. Well, the second time he actually beaned that kid in the stomach, but we'll count that as the outfield. So great to see him gaining more confidence.

Star Turn

Zach is a crackling thunderstorm, a brooding thinker, a mad scientist. When he comes up with creative thoughts, which is basically all the time, they're alternately terrifying and hilarious ("Mom - did you know there's a bird poop shaped like the United States of America on our front porch?").

In the Writers' Workshop program at school, the kindergartners are encouraged to write what they want, without regard to spelling or syntax - the idea is just to spill out their thoughts and get them on paper. This month they had a series of "How To" writing assignments where they had to write three-step instructional stories on how to do something. Consider the meaning of these four stories Zach wrote for the month (spelling corrected for ease of reading):

How to Get Cats: First, save up $150. Go to the pet store. Buy a cat. Take it home.

How to Make Kale Chips: First, put kale on. Put salt on. Then put the kale in the oven.

How to Make a Fireworks Show: First, buy Pop-its. Second, wait until night. Third, chuck Pop-its.

How to Make C4: First, get clay. Get gunpowder. Then you have C4.

We are struggling with his darker side - the side that makes him lash out and shut down all reason. But the thing that keeps us going is the fact that the people who know him best - his teacher, his aides, his babysitter, his reading group teacher - the ones who see him or work with him every day - are completely smitten with him.

Zach found a dollar on the playground the other day. And even though he's fascinated with money, and would have probably loved to take it home, he insisted on walking it up to the main office and leaving it with the secretary, who dutifully took down his name in case no one "claimed" it. When his teacher heard the story, she nearly wept. "When you think about all the things that are going on in this world...He is just a sweet, super kid."

It's no secret that Luke has been having a tough year. While Zach is brimming with outsized confidence, Luke is swimming in self-doubt. He also reads, and I don't want to embarrass him, so I won't get too much more into it, but suffice to say that he is still trying to find his place in the world.

Dave struggled with the decision of whether to have him play "up" to the kid-pitch league or to hold him back for one more year in coach-pitch. Finally he decided to give him a year of confidence-building by keeping him for one more year of coach-pitch and letting him be one of the senior players on the team.

But after the first day of practice yesterday, we were all having doubts. "The baseball part was good," reported Luke, "but the kids were all weird. They were so young they were making poop and pee jokes."

Then came the first game tonight and it quickly became clear to all of the parents watching the team that Luke was going to be the Player To Watch. And then the bases were loaded...and Luke came up to bat...and the pitch came down...and he smacked the biggest, most powerful hit you've ever seen deep into left field...GRAND SLAM!!! The crowd went wild, and Luke was beaming as he rounded the bases. He was named MVP of the game and took home the game ball as a prize.

It hasn't solved anything...and it's all just a matter of one day at a time...but for once I just feel like I can go to bed smiling tonight, thinking we possibly moved the needle just a little bit in the right direction. And that's all you can do for the day, right?

What's that - you want pictures? OK, here are Zach and Luke when we went to go check out the Space Shuttle and see Granddad's handiwork. Is Zach wearing pajama pants in that picture? Yes. And that, folks, is why this picture is tentatively titled, "Pick Your Battles."

Mange

It takes a village to raise kids, and right now Dave and I are a tattered, broke-down, mangy village. We are basically just holding it all together with duct tape and chicken wire.

I had told myself a while back that I was not going to Beach Bucket again until I finally had time to get a haircut. (A haircut! OK, color too. But that requires two hours of kid-free time which I simply Did. Not. Ever. Have.) When I finally got in there over the weekend, I learned that the last time I had a haircut was October 4. Sheesh.

I don't think there was any one thing that got us so low; I think it was just a steady pummeling of obligations and circumstances. I have a new boss and massive new demands at work and at the kids' school. Dave is suddenly in ultra-busy mode with real estate. Luke has been drowning in homework. Zach has been struggling with Zach stuff. And last month, out of the blue, our Tuesday-Thursday nanny quit, leaving us scraping for basic childcare coverage.

What we needed was just a few days to get off the treadmill. That's why Ski Week couldn't come soon enough. Just a few days without meetings, without homework, without getting pummeled by life. Now Luke is enjoying a few days in the desert with his buddies (sob! I miss him already!) and Dave and Zach and I are heading off for a one-night getaway.

To recap, let's turn to Zach's interpretation of the month of January:

And to show that even if people want to bring you down, you can still come out on top, here is Luke in his role as Bill Gates for his American Heroes presentation:

Duct tape and chicken wire, people. That's all you need.

Off the grid

Boys, from the back of the car on the way home from the mountains: "We want ice cream!"

Jeanne: "I have an idea. There's this place I've been wanting to go to that's supposed to be amazing, and it's in Pomona."

[Pause for a few minutes of Googling and phone-mapping]

Jeanne: "OK - it's here - Dr. Bob's. This Yelp review calls it 'the best ice cream on the planet.' But you're supposed to call because it says the hours are 'irregular.'"

Dave: "Let's do it."

[Dialing phone; calling the place; confirming that they are open.]

[Driving, driving, driving...past the address and we're going past the abandoned L.A. County Fair facilities (they're only open in the summer) but there's no ice cream place in sight. Dave pulls over and gets on the phone to Dr. Bob's again.]

Dave: "OK, so they are on the fair grounds. The guy told me to head on in and tell the guard at the gate that we have an 'appointment with Dr. Bob.'"

[Driving up to the gate. Apparently the guard is convinced by the 'appointment with Dr. Bob' line. We zig-zag through abandoned stalls and stands, all the way to a large, nondescript building in the back of the fairgrounds. On the front window there are signs that look promising: 'Single scoop...double scoop...hot fudge sundae...banana split...' but the building is completely locked down. Then we catch the eye of some guy inside and he signals us around to the back. We clamber around the building and through the delivery entrance into a warehouse-type room with large freezers and boxes ready for crating.]

Ice cream lady: "Hi! We're not scooping or anything today, but I've got lots of different pints I can sell you. Here's a list of what I've got in stock."

Luke, reading down the list: "Salt caramel. That's all I want."

Dave "Black raspberry - that sounds good!"

Zach: "Where's chocolate?"

Ice cream lady: "Well, we have this thing called 'Works.' It's three different kinds of Scharffenberger chocolate..."

Zach: "That's what I want!"

[We finally settle on pints of salt caramel, Works, black raspberry, and chocolate mint. The lady is apologetic; there's nowhere to sit and eat it. But we improvise by finding some logs next to an demonstration garden and a duck pond. Sitting there with four giant pint containers, we nearly break the plastic spoons on the hard-frozen ice cream, but once we get a taste of it, we all agree that it's pure heaven. And then we have a good laugh about people who just go to, like, an ice cream store at the mall.]

Cold snap

Here we are, up in the mountains in our cozy cabin. Zach is excited because we were able to light a fire: "This is the first time I've ever sat in front of a litten fireplace."

Luke is excited because there is a lot of snow and ice to chop and throw. And of course, sticks to collect. Our cabin is up in the treetops; beyond these trees there is a spectacular view of our ski slopes.

We went sledding at a big public park today, and the sledding was a little bit rough (and crowded). But the boys found a big "hut" created by some overgrown trees and vines, where they spent most of the time inside. Luke, giving a tour of the place: "This is the living room. Here's the smithing room [with a big stone table for forging weapons]. And over here's the crafting room."

Then Dave found this enormous felled tree. Once he made a commitment to count the rings, it was hard for him to stop. Suffice to say that the tree was over 300 years old.

Snow kings. Yeah, we're cool like that.

Swingers

You might actually look at these pictures and think that the boys do something other than ask for screen time, 24-7. If only that were the case. But still.

 Luke at his golf lesson. He's a natural, according to the coach.

Zach warming up for the baseball season. He's a natural, according to the "coach."

Cave explorers. Yes, we have caves near us. L.A. has everything - did you know that?

Hiking up near the Hollywood sign. This was a great afternoon because we did the Hollywood hike and then we went to see the kid-friendly comedy show at the comedy club in Burbank after that. A real L.A. afternoon.

We ski! Even me!!! We are currently up in the mountains enjoying a total Southern California ski weekend. Saturday was a day full of ski lessons for me and the boys while Dave hit the slopes. Guess who's a natural at skiing? All of us!

Luke, surprisingly, is a speed demon. He seems to not care if he falls down, so he flies down the hill and picks himself up right away if he topples over. He now has the swagger and confidence of a lifelong skier. Zach, on the other hand, had confidence going into it ("I don't need ski lessons - I already KNOW how to ski!") and quickly proved himself a standout in the "Little Bear" classes. The instructor told us, "He has an incredible sense of balance. There were about 20 different times when he should have fallen over but he somehow managed to stay standing up."

And I, who had the least amount of confidence going into it, was a standout in my beginner class. Turns out, skiing is just like rollerblading, and I'm all over that. I voluntarily moved myself up to "advanced beginner" just so I could get off the beginner flats and onto the bunny hill. Of course I'm no black diamond skier, but I had a great time just getting out there. My favorite moment of the day was riding up the ski lift and then doing a run down the mountain with Luke. Me and Luke skiing together - who woulda thunk?

Another factor that helped was the warm SoCal ski weather. Of course it's 12 degrees at night, but in the daytime it warms up to mid-fifties, which makes for perfectly comfortable ski weather. We peeled off most of our layers by mid-day; then the layers went on by the time we headed back to our cozy cabin for dinner.

Apropos of nothing - Dave was trying to give the boys (technically just Zach) a semi-serious lecture about how once you use toilet paper, you put it in the toilet, NOT the trash can: "Once you use the toilet paper, do you bring it into the kitchen? No! Do you put it in the mail and send it to someone? No! Do you fold it up and put it in your drawers? No! Do you send it to the moon?... "

At which point Luke interjected, "That'd be one small step for man, one giant wipe for mankind."