feel no pain

My two-day silence has been brought to you, in part, by the most painful, hair-tearing, teeth-gnashing lower back ache I have ever had. Yesterday when I picked up Luke I literally could not walk - I staggered out of Art Zone, dangling my clinging charge as we dragged closer and closer to our parking spot. It most likely came about through a combination of factors: poor posture at work; 30-plus-pound boy who always wants to be carried; and odd positions in which I am required to pick up said boy, including a broken crib front that does not slide down into easy baby-pick-up position.

I must have ignored my back long enough that it finally tore into me, with red neon signs, begging me to pay it some attention. And yet I still continue to pick up Luke and drag him all over creation.

At the same time tonight I was totally entertained by Luke and Eitan running around with each other after dinner. They are truly adopted siblings - entirely in synch with one another and they know exactly what each other finds hilarious. Anyway, while either one of them might throw a fit if any other kid so much as tapped them on the shoulder, they could crack each other's skulls and walk away smiling. I watched them do a total Tom-and-Jerry-type crash into each other, involving both of them falling comically on the very hard stone patio, and they just picked themselves up and continued the mayhem.

Does it hurt less if someone you really like is the root of the pain? Well, that would explain why anyone would go through childbirth once (or more than once). Could some things just be so much fun that they're worth the pain? That would explain why I continue to toss Luke in the air for the Too High/Too Low game. Are some friends worth having cracked skulls and chipped teeth for? Apparently for Luke and Eitan, if the current trend continues.

But I need to give myself some kind of break. Current vision of myself a year from now is a haggard 38-year-old, barking out mom orders while being wheeled around on a gurney...and the whispers behind my back: "She just didn't know when enough was enough..."